Someone once thought that I was a special kid. That someone is my dad.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” was not so much of a stirring question during our preschool days. Most of my classmates would answer DOCTOR, LAWYER, NURSE or BUSINESSMAN. Being the “special” kid that I was, I stopped and asked myself…what do I really want?
After a while, I found myself inside the Church, walking on my knees, begging God to grant my wish. “I want to be PINK FIVE when I grow up. Please, Lord, make me a Bioman!”
For years, I held on to that wish and kept it my deepest, darkest secret. I didn’t want to spoil my dream. I was eager to save lives from evil monsters and make the world a better, pink-er place.
Keeping up with that dream became really hard when reality came in the picture. I was thrown in the big world, also known as ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, and faced a different kind of pressure- the pressure of being number one. Mind you, I didn’t like number ONE. I live for number FIVE. You know, Pink 5…and yeah, my birthday…MAY 5!
But like a habit you can’t break, that pressure became a part of me. This went on for quite awhile…until I graduated from high school. I was so focused being on top of my game that I never really had a chance to stop, take a breather and take care of me.
College was an epiphany. I reinvented myself, perhaps. But it’s more like waking up a part of me that’s been sleeping all the while. And in this process of waking up that part of me, it was inevitable to hurt people along the way. Much more, it was inevitable that I hurt myself as well.
Words are not enough to describe how the past couple of months had been. Everything would be an understatement, I suppose. Pain. Stupidity. Bliss. All framed into one. How picturesque could that image be?
I may appear weak now. But I promise to emerge from this.
I’ve been saying that lately…taking into consideration the things people say: They’ll make you stronger. The things you go through now will shape you and make you a better person. You deserve better. This won’t be given to you if you can’t handle it. Yeah, they’re true but I don’t get them right now. Not when I’m all messed up inside. Maybe they will make better sense tomorrow. But tonight? No, not yet.
I liked PINK5 so much when I was a kid because she saves the world from evil creatures. A young woman who was showered with Bio Particles by the Bio Robo and then became 1/5 of a male-dominated Super Sentais…that’s quite empowering to me. They killed Yellow Four during the series so she was the only female left. I felt like I had a connection with her because she’s so girly and ladylike yet she managed to fight for goodness. Hmmm. I was a kid. That’s how I viewed it.
In time, I found out that it wasn’t only me who wanted to become PINK 5. Bummer. But I still want to be her. I still want to save the world. But then I learned that before I can really save the world, I should save myself first. I should save myself, not just from the beasts and monsters of reality, but from the beasts and monsters inside of me.
Oh, and just so we all know, Michiko Makino (she played Pink 5) turned into a pornstar after her Bioman stint. Talk about sentai to hentai, huh?