You know what’s annoying?

It’s when he sends you an e-mail and you see “the girl’s” name as one of the recipients. I’m really sorry but it’s just so f****n annoying!

Because he still bothers me in my dreams…and when I wake up, the thought of him is still there.

Five Years by Sugar Hiccups

The first of February. It’s the most pressing time of the year.

I saw Edge’s Facebook status today and I couldn’t help but react. He said, “Pebrero na. Marami na naman ang napi-pressure sa pag-ibig.” (It’s already February. Many are pressured with the idea of love.) The long thread after his status can attest that many people were hit bull’s eye by his statement.

This season reveals a lot about a person.

“Love is in the air…and I don’t care!” – Bitter

“Season of love? It really is JUST February.” – Jaded

“I will celebrate this V-day with my family and friends. This season is not just for the couples. It’s about universal love.” – Somewhere in between selfless or dateless.

“I wonder what my man’s gonna give me this time.” – Bordering from a gold-digger to someone who uses material bliss to show or receive love.

Okay, I’m just kidding. But kudos to those who have their V-days all planned out. As for me, I’d like to thank my mum for being delivered into this world during a very special day. With or without a date, I always have a reason to celebrate. But, God-willing, I hope someone will sweep me off my feet.

He has broken my heart for so many times. And it seems that he has drawn so much pleasure from the pain he has inflicted upon me. While I often protest to his schemes, it seems that I haven’t really learned. His mere existence shatters me…and the world has suddenly become too small for the two of us. One of us must go. But in the grand scheme of things, the truth is I have been killing myself. Let me die, finally…and in the afterworld, let me haunt him.

From the Suicide Notes

After days of succumbing to sad thoughts, I tried to turn things around by making myself feel good. And by that, I mean a beauty retreat. I know, I know. It’s a superficial way of healing but, hey, it’s a good start.

There’s nothing like a diamond peel from Clarity to kick things off! Through the Belle de Jour Planner,  I was able to get 50% discount. Not to mention, Clarity also offers 50% off for early morning bookings. Top that!

It was a good 30-minute, no fuss, no pain treatment. The sofa bed was very comfy and the mood was calming as well. Ms. KC was accommodating and efficient. I had so many questions but not once did she get irate. Aside from her, the rest of Healthway staff were also service-oriented. I like that!

After my treatment, I picked my sister up from Powerbooks and then we headed at White Hat for our Frozen Yogurt. Yum! Again, thanks to BDJ, we were able to avail a buy one, take one deal from White Hat! Cool!

After our morning trip at Alabang, we drove down south for a Baptismal Ceremony wherein yours truly was a “Godmother.” Seriously, everyone was asking me the dreaded question of the century- “Are you married?” Politely, I’d answer, “I feel too young for marriage.” And then pose a curt smile.

While I thought everyone had gone back to their own businesses, they managed to make one last “hirit” as I bid farewell. They said, “Oh, please don’t forget to invite us on your wedding day.” Of course, I said, “Yes.”

I saw some things today. Things I shouldn’t have seen…or looked at. I was talking to someone when it happened. You know that feeling when the world suddenly stops and your stomach churns…but not in a good way? Then your head feels light and heavy at the same time? That’s how I felt.

As I write this, I feel the urge to shed some tears. God, please allow me to REALLY outgrow him this time.

I love you. Really. I just stopped showing it.

Maybe, loving you from a distance will eventually allow me to start all over again. Because when you’re far, I have more chances of loving and putting myself first before anyone else…before you, specifically. I’ll pull myself together. I don’t know when, that’s for sure. But when I start gathering the pieces back, trust me, I won’t turn back.

I feel the remorse right now. I want you to feel the pain that you’ve inflicted upon me. That’s wrong, I know. And I’m usually kinder than this. But I’m in deep pain for the longest time now and I can’t help it if I feel extremely mad. I want to say, “Okay, I forgive you. Be happy.” But then my heart really screams, “Fuck you! Go to hell, loser!”

Ever since I re-opened my doors to dating, some of my friends and colleagues have been setting me up with different guys. It’s kind of nice and funny at the same time. I can’t find the right words to describe how their faces light up whenever they mention a boy that they want me to meet. Their faces just glow and it’s contagious.

Edcel, one of my colleagues, told me that she used to be in the same situation as me- her friends introducing her to different boys and then eventually finding her JM. More than being in a relationship with someone, I think her reason for introducing me to other guys is to keep me away from L. I’m sure that they’re trying to knock some sense in my head and I’d like to be positive that I’ll really respond this time.

Last week, they were like giddy high school students when Kuya Mitch introduced me to one of the Unit Managers. That time, my Facebook status, which said- “Michi Arcangel feels like a natutuwang (happy) high school student because of her crush who’s in the building,” didn’t go unnoticed.

As this whole thing happens, I can’t help but remember this particular event during my Child Psychology class. Two of the pre-school kids went up to me. The little girl said, “Ate, he’s my boyfriend already!” (points out to the little boy beside her) Surprised, I asked her, “Really?” She responded, “Yes, I love him.” I asked her, “Why?” In turn, she said, “Because he lets me sit on his lap whenever there’s no more chair available.” I just smiled back as they merrily hopped their way to the toy station.

The past week was really crazy. My Belle de Jour Power Planner was swamped with activities and deadlines. I literally felt dead-tired. And to top that off, Doris, one of our nurses, told me that I have a low blood pressure. The BP and bruises said it all- 90/70. For a moment there, I felt light headed and dizzy. Well, duh!

Too much work and irritating people are really lethal combination. Surely, I have decided to take a break during a Friday night to meet some friends. First stop, Candy and I had dinner at Mommy Ludy’s. The chilly night was a very nice weather for the talk we had- careers, boys, and decisions. I really missed her.

Afterwards, I met Ozzy and Christmas. Apparently, Ozzy has a new work and his office is at Vega Center. Chip Vega is the CEO of their soon-to-rise NGO. Sounds wonderful. Julius and Melo were there as well. *Julius is still oh so cute* It felt like two years ago…when we were just starting our “careers.”

It was getting late and I didn’t have a car with me so I decided to go home. I didn’t want to go but I didn’t stay either. I would have wanted to spend the whole night with them but, yeah, I still went home. Word spread to Milben and Bert that I was there. I got a message from the two of them as soon as I set foot at home. I miss them, too.

It’s Sunday and another work week is coming. The weekend went by really fast. I didn’t feel it, actually. *me wonders* I was able to exchange SMS with Ate Cha and we talked about our “shared dilemmas.” Wow, it was like someone was putting into words what I have in mind. It’s good for another post so I’ll share our “talk” soon.

Now, I’m exchanging SMS with Rosey and Hannah. These people are my “core group.” And, as I’ve mentioned in my New Year’s resolution, I intend to keep them in my life forever. As for L, we didn’t keep in touch during the past few days. He sent me a message today and it lasted for a brief so-so minutes. I didn’t know what or how to feel. I hope to outgrow him.

2010 is in the works, baby.

*Note for tomorrow: No to irritating people!*

Okay. I just had to do a quick blog about this. Haha.

Over the holidays, my parents (most especially my dad) plagued me with relationship-related questions. Actually, most of them were leading to the L issue so there were times when I’d tell them to quit it. I am touched by their concern. Really, I am but there’s no way that I can handle their “get-married-when you turn-25” talk.

Dad: You should get married and have a baby by the time you turn 25.

Michi: Dad…25? I’m still watching cartoons by that time.

Dad: Well, that’s good. Go watch a cartoon with your baby.

Michi: Um, I’m thinking of 30’s as my marrying age, you know?

Mum: Oh no. Please. That’ll be pretty difficult.

25?? That’s like two years from now and I don’t even have a sane relationship as we speak. And so I have decided to allow myself to date again, okay, maybe meet more people…men to be specific? Err. I am going nowhere with this one. So, yeah. Let’s do this.